I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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