Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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