i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
