I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
