My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
