Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
50% drunk capacity currently
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
