Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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