I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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