I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
