she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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