Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
