what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
