At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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