sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
