im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
