Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
