Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
