can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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