sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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