Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
