Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
