Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
