After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
