My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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