I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
