Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
