it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
