Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
