The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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