We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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