My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
