My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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