What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He passed out mid-signature
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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