i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
