There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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