I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
love makes seman taste better
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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