He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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