All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
50% drunk capacity currently
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
