there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
