Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
