Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
