Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
