Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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