I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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