I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's never too late to be topless.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
