The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Acid is not a monday night drug
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
