Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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