I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
