At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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