dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
