He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
